Always The Bull, Never The Husband
I was inspired because I was called a Unicorn
It was my first time on Feeld, and I was located in bum fuck nowhere Nova Scotia, I was looking for an excuse to fuck around. Feeld was a great opportunity to do exactly that, it was a gold mine of mentally ill young whores (non-derogatively, I love whores), lonely middle aged women who aged like wine, girls who probably started to read smut in 5th grade instead of the bones graphic novels, queer people exploring themselves both safely and dangerously, chubby women who probably walk around dreaming of Jacob Elordi and several bored couples that instead of opening the karma sutra or getting toys decided that adding in extra dick is the option.
To me it was basically a dating site of horrors, I had no clue if I was going to survive.
Even though I don’t think I’m strikingly handsome, I am a cute young man with a fit enough body and at the time I grew my hair into a very unkempt afro, my C4? hair must have been charming enough because I was loading up on a surprising number of matches (relatively). Let’s be clear I get a moderate number of matches on dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge, all my pictures are trash but at least my bios are funny, Feeld was a different monster.
All types of women were flooding in, as someone who has only dealt with women my age I had to decide what exactly I wanted to do. The only problem was that I was going through some emotional turmoil at the time, that I don’t remember, and decided I didn’t want to deal with anybody’s emotional issues, so I opted to hit up some girl who called herself Mrs. Y.
Mrs. Y was a slender yet elegant women, all of her pictures give off images of what I image a Nova Scotian Audrey Hepburn would look like if she was filtered through the 90s career women filter. Her final picture had her smiling showing off her pearly whites with a dopey, slumpy white guy in front of her, it was her husband. I was worrying about what opening message to send because I have weird periods of three months where I’m stupidly charming and other times I’m just fucking a idiot. I once texted a girl who liked afro beat that the only afro beat that would exist is when I beat her ass, it worked for some reason.
I forgot what I sent as the initial message I think it was something forward but lacking all kinds of charm that it read like a business email, obviously I didn’t get a response so I kinda just forgot it, hell by that point I was so done with dating apps that I uninstalled all of them and was hyper focused on getting together with 6 foot tall female friend from Africa, it would only take me 6 months to get all the dating apps, right on schedule.
I was back in my hometown, the same hometown that makes my self diagnosed BPD even worse.
Side note why is it that women with BPD are really fun in a crazy way but men with BPD are just autistic and weird half the time and are on the verge of a committing a crime.
I know this autism, but it’s the same energy.
I found my old matches and just decided to text them anyways because I was bored and my impulse control is shot to shit. It went surprisingly well with Mrs. Y, we got to the snapchat stage of the experience. To be safe I created a second snapchat, I figured that nudes would be sent, I didn’t want my dick pics being used as black mail, my friend from Nigeria told me about his part time job in high school being scamming guys out of their dick pics, using the pictures as ransom for money.
Side Note: Nigerian snapchat is fucking crazy, it must be the most sex addicted thing I’ve ever seen. Another friend from Nigeria showed me a random story he found on his snap and it was some guy pouring wine into some girl’s pussy. It was directly stuffed in there, the tip was ate up.
I quickly found out that the husband was in charge of the snapchat account so all the conversations got way more dry and to the point. Mr. and Mrs. Y were down for it, their bedroom life was cold as ice, dryer than desert sand, they needed some nice young meat to heat it up and luckily I was there. They wanted to make sure that it was a good time for Mrs. Y, Mr. was only going to watch in the room, so they needed a big dick man to plow Mrs. Y to kingdom come, to make her moan and quiver.
All hope was lost in my head, my dick was small in comparison to all the big dick mambas on the hub so I was fucked, except my boredom took me over so all I could do was take a quick picture of my hard-on in the bathtub without anything in the background that can connect to me. I did ask Mr. Y to send me videos over snapchat as proof that he was real, he was pretty annoyed at the end of it.
So after sending the dick pic I was anxiously waiting for 10 minutes to see if I fully got scammed, if my empty wallet was going to get drained further pushing me into debt. I saw that blue snapchat logo pop up on my phone, quickly opened my phone, looked at the message and I saw the ‘great’ text message. A surprising sense of confidence flooded my brain, followed with a wave of pity for Mr. Y, no wonder your bedroom life is boring, you can’t even learn how to eat pussy to make up for your small dick. Mrs. Y must have been the one to suggest Feeld, wasn’t she, huh? He excitedly asked when we can meet, for the first time it would only all three of us but after that Mrs. Y and I could privately text but not meet up, I was obviously planning on meeting up privately. I forgot that I started this little texting journey as escapism, so I had to break the news that we lived in different provinces.
His text read slightly mad and disappointed, I guess he really wanted to see Mrs. Y getting her back broken in the speedbump position. I want to see her in that position too. We ended the convo, he was hoping that if I was ever back in Nova Scotia near Halifax I would be willing to fuck Mrs. Y again.
I focused on the matches that I got in my hometown, I only got 1-3 new matches the whole time I was in the city, I was surrounded by couples who were also asking for more bedroom fun. Not any of the women was as charming as Mrs. Y so I couldn’t bring myself to muster the effort.
During a gathering with my sister and her friends, we played some adult themed never-have-you-ever and the topic of threesomes came up, I mentioned all my interaction with feeld couples. The only married woman in the room mentioned that I looked harmless, that hurt, I felt that my whole core was insulted, fuck that bitch unless she is reading this, love you then.
Some girl joked that I was a unicorn, playing along with the joke I dubbed myself as cute and demure, which I am. I ignored the psychic damage the harmless comment did, she just didn’t know about all my dark murderous thoughts, so it’s fine.
And at least my dick is bigger than Mr. Y.
