I Stumbled Upon An Oasis [Review]

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I think everybody has those days, you know the days I’m talking about, the days where you are just working and grinding yourself away for that next paycheck, to appease your boss, to save up for your next goal, mine is an art course on how to actually colour because if you see my Insta iykyk. The worst parts of those days aren’t the grueling work and the ever decreasing free time, it’s the boredom that seems to stem from the core of your soul. It makes every second of those days greyer and greyer, every action you take becomes more and more monotonous as the days go on, and if you are anything like me then you believe that you got to do something crazy to shakes things up.

So the first thing I did was to go drive all the way to Toronto, an hour and a half way to go hiking and possibly hit up a sex club for the first time, you read that right a sex club.

A sex club named Oasis.

So the title might be misleading, I didn’t really stumble, I was thinking about it and finally came to a conclusion.

But first I’ll talk about my general day because the trail I went to was disappointing in size and scope, I searched up places to hike in Toronto and the first thing that came up was the one I went to, the Beltline Trail, and luckily it was surprisingly close to the sex club and an art gallery I was going to check up on.

The art gallery I wanted to go was the banksy art gallery, which is still on my list, I got distracted by the amazing graffiti that seemed to appear on every building I drove by.

It made me realize how underappreciated graffiti is and how art galleries really charge me an exorbitant amount money for pieces that might not amount to the ones I can see randomly on the street.

But after hiking and taking in the view, I headed to Oasis by 7:00 pm so I can join the naked yoga session, I was a little late considering that I was looking for parking, which until this day is the main thing I hate about Toronto, parking, especially free parking is almost impossible to find, the only one I found that was nearby was $12 for the whole night.

Walking to the club with my bag that was packed with my swim shorts, wallet, keys, water bottle and phone. The weird thing about the location of Oasis is that it is basically at the end of a small stretch of suburban houses with a high-school across the street.

?????????

Who allowed this?

Was the city planner on crack?

What came first the sex club or the high-school?

After showing my ID to the security guard, they threw out my water but not the bottle, I didn’t ask why and honestly I don’t want to know why. I was allowed to go inside and they explained all the rules around consent and safety, then I was charged $100, A HUNDRED!!!???

If I was a woman it would only be $15.

I only ever felt as discriminated as I did when some special needs kid told 9 years old me he didn’t want to play with me because I was black.

I basically knew all the rules already because I watched a video the club posted about what single man were supposed to do for a good time at the club and what the rules generally were.

By the way, according to the video even in the club guys are expected to make the first move unless you come with as a couple.

I asked for a lock because I forgot mine, given a bracelet and was taken on a tour by an employee where the rules were explained again, they asked if I was okay with naked people since on busy nights they would be naked people at every inch of the club. I was basically fine, the weirder part would be watching all the porn that was playing on every TV in the club with other people in the club, I mean this in the least offensive way possible, that is the gayest thing I can image besides smacking on Frank Ocean.

Plus it was intro night and Monday so it wasn’t really busy anyways.

The thing that stuck out to me was the bracelet dispensers with seven colours of bracelets with each colour representing the intention of the person wearing it. green for friendly, red for unwilling. I wasn’t actually planning on having sex but I didn’t wear a bracelet because if somebody came up and asked and I found them attractive I would indulge, who would say no to a free snack. Sadly by the time I was finished with the tour, the naked yoga was so full that I couldn’t join but the only woman I noticed was the instructor, in fact other than the workers the only women I found was the workers or the wives that came with their husbands.

I hesitantly took off all my clothes and wrapped one of the many towels that the club offered around my waist and walked out the locker room.

After noticing the other men who were in the club and realizing that the vibe that they gave off, not a good one, I was wondering if there were desperate people who were only here to hopefully get lucky. I walked around the club and basically just did that for awhile since it was dead that night, I noticed a few odd things about the club.

First it was the high-school around the street and the weirdest point of that is the open air patio that the club has facing the high-school, we have to wear clothes when we go to the patio for that reason.

Second the open air pool on a different side is closed off by a fence but has a tall building apartment along one of the sides of the fence, with small patios that the residents can look down on the open air pool. We were allowed to be naked there.

Third there are private rooms upstairs, shockingly they don’t have doors, you can only be invited up there by someone by the opposite sex, the video mentions that guys shouldn’t wait by the stairs hoping to be invited, which implies that people have done that before.

Fourth we were allowed to have sex basically anywhere except the shower entrance and one more location, which I’m currently forgetting, for safety reasons.

I noticed a few people in the hot tub and I decided to join them, I hesitantly took off my towel since it was the first time being naked around strangers especially in this unique circumstances.

I’ll admit I was really awkward at the beginning, I was talking quietly, I was mumbling a little bit as well, the woman I was talking to kept asking me to repeat myself as well, I also really bad at continuing the conversation and asking questions, but after a while I got used to the environment and my social debuff disappeared.

I was slowly getting bored though, every time I checked the naked yoga session it was full, by this point I put my swimsuit back on to fully explore the club, I was only able to get into the last ten seconds of the session which honestly didn’t do anything to me so I reentered the hot tub and kept going back and through between the sauna, outside pool and hot-tub. I went upstairs to get my phone to check the time and decide if I wanted to leave but I noticed one of the workers alone and struck up a conversation.

I didn’t mention this before but everybody in the club are super nice and open, I didn’t find one person that was off-putting or disgusting, they were all fairly easy to have a conversation with after my social debuff disappeared , that applies to the workers as well.

The worker mentioned that since this was intro night the plan was on going over the rules again in power point form this time but considering how dead it was they switched it to a giant game of cards against humanity.

That was all I needed to hear to convince me to stay another hour.

I LOVE that game.

I haven’t played it since Highschool.

In the meantime while I was waiting more people came and honestly they were all really attractive, I was surprised natural beauties were everywhere, not even just the women. There was a guy who described himself as a regular, someone who comes every week, he has easily over 6 feet tall, built like Chris Hemsworth, no body hair, with his hair tied in a man bun and had a distinct turkish accent, if I was a woman or into men I would jump his bones!

All the people had varied backgrounds and all came from diverse backgrounds and had different reasons for coming though, it seems to me though that I was only one of five people who was there for the first time.

The workers came back so we finally started our game of cards against humanity, of course with the added rule that if the card was too inappropriate for the environment it wasn’t read out. After a few rounds of getting my ass kicked, only because I got shit cards I swear I’m funny, ok?

Ok!

After talking more with some other people I was invited by someone and after getting kicked out of the hot tub, and the sauna getting crowded we headed upstairs to the so-called private rooms, I was expecting doors and clearly my expectations were too high.

I don’t kiss and tell so I won’t explain exactly what happened, but I will tell you that luckily the club has dispensers of condom and lube everywhere but sadly no toys. Apparently you got to bring your own toys, honestly the biggest surprise of the night well that and apparently I have a pretty penis.

My self esteem once again increased.

All in All I had fun randomly going to Oasis, I will go again and I highly recommend it for anyone who is interested in that kind of thing. I say that the price is steep but from my quick search of other sex clubs nearby, that seems to be the average for guys, for girls the price can range from $0-$65.

I give it a 8/10.